can you see me from this distance? i ask too many questions. what will we do when there are none left to ask? but... can i ask you to pass my my coffee cup? i had forgotten it exists. like you did me. everyone. now. time. things. important things. i'm not sure what i want you to know. i just want you to see the lights with me. see the distance. the time it takes to get there. i would like to sit down and make an intricate map with you. a beige color, if you will. so it appears old and unimportant. no one else will think a thing of it. they will think things, but they will think nothing of our map. or of our time or our friendship or anything. because it is gone. there is nothing to see, move along.

i know what you do and i know how you do it, i know why you hide and i know why you lose it. what is beautiful is not always evident. evidence is hidden, where no one can find it unless you decide to show it. and i will not show, i will hide. i will count this among my blessings and take pride in what i am capable of. which is this. i am capable of this and many other things at the same time. can you answer when they ask you? can you tell the honest truth? when you can answer all the questions, you will be well. but for now only bones will tell. i mean, only time. i can fool you as many times as i want.

this is how i feel before i begin to write something. i may or may not have written in a while, but i feel my head swelling with so many words and phrases, they feel like they are swirling around in my head trying to make sense of each other. it feels physical. i write to get them out of my head, and maybe create something beautiful in the process. sometimes i do not even write for a purpose. a writer writes just like an artist paints. and for the same reasons. to make something so beautiful that no one else has ever seen (or read). that is a lot of the reason why i write the way i do.

i think maybe, once you are so good, you can't get any better. and this could be a lie just like all the others.

i could just stop living, "oh is that so?
that is a word i shared with you a long time ago"
well you never got it back so i guess that's a no
so watch where i'm headed and you'll know where i go
an answer to my question, i want nothing more
it's not much truth and close to a lie
but i won't give up, i won't leave the sky
the way i left it before.